Day 2982 of the 7 day Bible verse challenge.

James 1:12 NIV

The fading glimmer of a flickering hope.

You’ve likely heard it said that with each tunnel through which we tread comes a light at the end that serves to keep us going. It’s this ever hopeful expectation that reminds us that what we’re going through isn’t the full story but merely the opening chapters which lead to that hopeful end somewhere up ahead. The idea of a light waiting just beyond the finish line of whatever race we’re in at the moment is supposed to be enough to keep us going when there seems little reason to do so.

But what do we do when that light seems to grow smaller, pointing obviously to missteps taken in the wrong direction? What do we do when all the hard work and hard fought victories we’ve battled through to get a single step closer seem to only land us two steps back and further away? What are we to think when the tunnel only seems to be longer today than it was yesterday, thanks only to our stumbling and struggling to find our feet and get back on track?

The problem is that what nobody really ever tells you about that light up ahead is just how long the rails are that lead to it. Nobody mentions that the tunnel twists and turns and wraps around upon itself in a sort of chaotic disorganization that lends itself to an incredible sense of doubt and a kind of confusion that draws a fog through which we can’t see. Nobody tells you that the light will grow brighter as it seems we’re getting closer and doing better only to fade when the stumbling of selfish setbacks inevitably comes due to our perfect inconsistency.

Perhaps worst of all though is that nobody reminds you that the only reason we seem to be the ones driving this train through this tunnel called life is because we keep stealing the controls from the One who is the light and wrote the story of this tunnel and forms the finish line just beyond which our hopes reside.

Somewhere along this jaunt we agreed to this thought that has us convinced that this ought to be a straight line, easy to follow and simple to endure. But the fact is that there are indeed many tunnels through which we’ll walk throughout life. And each of them may well prove incredibly long, impossibly dark, wholly uneven and sometimes maybe even not yet carved. Some will be harder than others. And some we’ll sadly make harder than they need be because of our refusal to stop doing things we shouldn’t.

But still, that light is there for those who have the tenacity to fight toward it. Make no mistake, it comes not sudden nor with a great amount of ease. It’s not merely a promise given to those who will eventually quit trying to find it. No, that light is a gift that demands our violent pursuit. It’s a calling that expects our refusal to let go. It’s the prize achieved only by finding a relentless courage to fight for it.

His light is a promise given unto those who refuse to give up striving toward it, even when all of life hands us every reason to think we should.

Sadly though, it seems as though the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel idea coincides rather violently with the also well-known ability of humanity to take one step forward only to find two taken in reverse. It’s this strange mix of a hopeful outlook combined with a disheveled approach to chase it down. It’s a mind set on finding something good only having to follow a heart that is truly deceitful above all things. It’s wanting to get through the season of battle, but somehow always finding more problems through which we must fight.

What is it about us that has us so insistent upon making this so much harder that it needs to be? Why do we keep doing this kind of thing to ourselves, this making an already arduous undertaking all but impossible to achieve? Why can we not single in on the focused hope for which we started this journey without seeking to add to it, take from it, rewrite it within each step we’re still to take?

I reckon it simply boils down to a mere lack of focus. Not that we can’t, but that for some reason we just seem disinterested in doing so. We can’t narrow it down to following a single line toward a single finish which holds a single hope. We are very much creatures of modern worldly living in which options and novelty have become the spice of life that we seek to make this all interesting.

But why is chasing down a joyous hope not all the excitement we need? Why is proving that we can hold to a narrow path leading through difficulty toward that in which we hope not enough to offer us the identity that we seek to have? Why is it that we’re so obviously intrigued by the opportunity to have innumerable options even though they form the twists and turns that cause this train to veer off course from that hopeful light up ahead?

Personally speaking, this whole reality hits home in ways that, even with my immense appreciation for language, seems nearly impossible to describe. It’s a terrifying realization that so much of what I’ve done and where it’s led me and how much harder and longer it’s made this journey is entirely my fault. I’ve sought to think myself wise enough to commandeer this runaway thinking that I could make it work better and therefore go faster and ultimately reach all that I’d hoped in much sooner.

How wrong we can be when haste is our chosen path, chosen only because we think it speeds things up.

Truth is that the faster we try to go, the more mistakes we make. We don’t approach the light at the end of this thing faster simply because we opt for full throttle. We won’t blast through this tunnel raging with a kind of demented speed thinking that it will make it all less difficult. We don’t solve any problems by rushing foolishly ahead. We only create more havoc which will have to be addressed before we leave.

As I’m quite positive you’re well aware, life is indeed immensely challenging. It’s this seemingly endless array of trial and tribulation that only tends to grow more cumbersome as we go along. Not much really ever seems to get any easier. We just find new problems caused by new flaws that we’d never realized we always had. We’re much akin to an onion: We peel off one layer only to find another with a slightly different look that must be handled in a slightly different way. And all of them are rather pungent and may likely cause tears.

We are truly complex creatures, and as such, we find a tragic ability to overcomplicate basically everything we undertake in this journey of life.

That proverbial tunnel is lengthened by our poor choices. Its grade increases and grows more difficult to traverse when we allow ourselves to become distracted by other more immediately rewarding hopes, albeit they’re always incredibly fleeting. Yes, this road we follow does seems quite impossible at times, but honestly that’s only because we refuse to remain steadfast and focused. We just can’t seem to quite bring ourselves to plunging directly ahead. No, we’ve just got wandering hearts that refuse the straight and narrow.

Day before yesterday I found myself repeating a mistake I’ve been making for 20+ years. And every time I slip and fall back into that pattern of selfish stupidity, the aftermath hurts more than all the times before. This time though, I found the following pain had given way to a sadness that I’d not experienced before. The same anger and disappointment and frustration at my being so stupid was indeed still quite evident. But this new sorrow showed up, and it left me thinking about my own tunnel and the light that I’ve never managed to reach.

It’s a horrible thing to consider the moments and memories that never were because of choices made in haste and foolishness. To wonder about what my wanderings have caused me to miss is a horror too depressing for words. Realizing that I myself have made my road so incredibly impassible has left me with a new humility, I hope, that will, hopefully, cause me to stop making this tunnel longer than it needs to be.

What I’m saying is that the light is there. The hope for which we set out all that time ago is still as bright and beautiful as it ever was. The only reason is seems to faint and flicker away is because we have this tendency to keep allowing ourselves to be pulled backwards. We follow our distractions in directions that lead us in no way closer to that hope and the joy it holds. We just keep slipping and stumbling and finding new ways to suck at all this.

But the fact that we still have hope in a light even when lost in this tunnel of our own creation proves that God is real. Our countless failures and our refusal to let them speak the final word of our story proves that He is there. Why would we keep going, how could we keep hoping if there wasn’t a hope beyond our ability to destroy it?

That’s the sad reality of our human condition. We obliterate every opportunity we’re given to make this ride simple. We find some way to decimate every chance at every hope in which we trust. We blow apart every step which He planned so perfectly thinking that we somehow know a better way. We take what could have been a simpler path, a to b, and turn it into a chaotic mess solely because we insist that we know the way to a light we’ve not yet found.

And every time we choose something that doesn’t move us a step closer to the hope we hope for, we’re getting further away from it. Every day that we give to whining or complaining about how hard the road is, we’re getting further from the end of it. Every time that we give way to assuming we can’t make it, we’re one step closer to proving that to be true. And that’s not what any of us want.

Life has plenty of trials that we’re going to be faced with. Each of them seem to make this tunnel a bit darker, a bit harder, a bit longer. And each of them require a little more from us than the last. But if we’re used to giving ourselves over to doubt, to anger, to fear, to distraction, then how do we expect to reach the hope we want to find? If we keep taking our eyes off the main prize and allowing them to shift to hollow replicas of a joyless consolation, then how do we expect to be able to keep going, let along actually get anywhere?

My point is that we have to understand the overall layout of life. It’s gonna be hard. It’s a long road home. It’s a journey filled with hardship and hassle and hostility. It’s sad, confusing, impossible and yet impossibly hopeful. And all of the seemingly disjointed and discombobulated parts and pieces are oddly enough right where they’re supposed to be. Because, all of this is a test. It’s a season of trying and failing and yet learning to continue to try. It’s our time given us wherein we learn the discipline needed to reach the finish line.

And while each of us have done a really horrible job of that so far, today is still called today, and so we still have time to try.

There will be times, many of them in fact, when that light up ahead seems to vanish. It might be momentarily obscured behind yet another hill over which we have to climb. Might be around a turn we didn’t see coming. Or it might be made a little further away by yet another mistake that’s caused a misstep taken because we failed to focus for a moment. But it’s there because it won’t leave. He won’t leave. And if He won’t quit on us, well then we can’t give up either.

Friends, God didn’t call us into this walk only to watch us suffer in our insufficiency to walk it. He called us onto this narrow path to help us learn to strip away all that makes this journey so much harder than it needs to be. All the worldly distractions, all the personal foolishness, all the decisions made in a moment of impatience, all the addictions we agree to remain attached to, it’s all stuff that we need to shed so that we can make this trek into the up ahead.

Perseverance is a mindset. It’s a choice. It’s a daily refusal to give up, to give in, to give way to our lesser options and our penchant for selfishly choosing them. We have to learn to move forward, just as Scripture says time and time again, not turning aside to the right or to the left. Those incessant turnings are what cause the light ahead to fade and seem to fall away. It’s a failure to persevere in our perspectives. But thankfully, that’s a failure we can fix if we give ourselves fully to doing so.

Because God wouldn’t call us to do something He knows we can’t do. But He has called us to do something we’ve not learned to do yet. And while learning is a difficult task, it makes us better. It makes us stronger. It leads us closer to the culmination of every joyous hope that’s served to keep us going through the long days and dark nights that have asked us to give up.

If we can just learn to stop giving up and getting distracted, we can make it to that light at the end of this. But we have to withstand the test. We have to hold feverishly to the hope in which we hope. We have to set our hearts to following Him without question, without hesitation, without fail. Not without fall, but without fail. We will fall. We are going to mess up, that part is promised. But we decide if those missteps become a pattern or merely an encouragement to do better.

That’s the difference between falling and failing. Falling happens, failing is a choice to let that fall be then end of our effort.

Friends, the promised award awaits. He is the light at the end of this life. And while the tunnels that lead us toward Him are hard, it’s not the tunnel that matters. It’s the realization found within them that we have more than what we’ve allowed ourselves to see that can and will keep us going even when it makes absolutely no sense to do so.

We can’t focus on the hardships that lay in our way. Doing so will only make that light up ahead seem to fizzle even faster. We have to stay focused on Him and persistent in chasing down the path He’s laid for us to follow. It matters not through what kind of misery His path leads us through. All that matters is that it leads us to Him. So follow we it, being faithful in doing so.

Because, if we can do that, if we can withstand the tests along the way, He will prove to make every step taken, no matter how painful they’re sure to become, well worth the effort needed to keep going when we could have so easily chosen to quit.

#LeaveNoSoulUntold