Day 4053 of the 7 day Bible verse challenge.

Galatians 5:16 NIV

The divergence

Though long unseen and obviously unfelt by then most if not all who’ve walked this earth, there’s a truth to life that we’ve likely then never known and even possibly sought to ignore if not deny outright. And this truth is that there exist two paths walked in one life as is lived in this one place in which we all live one as is chosen every day between these two differing options. Now granted, that they’re both walked within the same place does seem as if to say that there’s at least some degree of similarity between them.

But perhaps this assumption, albeit innocent at first, it’s one that only grows to become a difference between everything from doubt to belief and, because of that, even life and death.

The sad news is that, again, this truth as to these two has long remained unseen and clearly unfelt by most here who still do as they’ve long done simply because such will always remain the easiest of all ways in which to live this life. But the problem is that this difference between this divergence is something that is growing deeper, wider, and in many ways more obvious then.

Indeed, the world around us is beginning to make it undeniable that these two paths do exist as is seen inside this swelling evidence that we see inside all that’s said, done, thought, bought, believed in this place in which it’s been long perceived that the darkness wasn’t too dark nor the light too light, no wrong too wrong and nothing right too right. Rather there’s long been this common estimation as to this almost willful median found/forced between them.

We’ve all long held to this idea that there are all these little layers to life that allow for us to find the one upon which we feel best and to even shift them, sift through them if and when needed as has always been defined by nothing more than our own mind determining for itself that something feels off. It seems in fact that all of life as we’ve come to live it has been all but wholly lost to this desire for our to be the designer as we’ve long considered that we alone could know what was best for us.

And granted, this idea does hold some water as, well, we are the ones stuck living our lives and our ability to feel within them both despair and delight ought to be enough to produce within us an ability to seek incessantly for the better things that despair doesn’t ever seem to bring.

But it seems now that the problem’s become that the water is brackish, possibly septic and thus probably poisonous.

The poisonous part because of the septic aspect which is only an outcome of the brackishness as is defined thanks to the murky lack of separation found/felt between two opposing existences that aren’t meant to blend.

Problem then is that we’ve come unto a way of life in which the blending of two diametrically opposed ideals has become our forgone desire. It’s indeed something we do all the time. Take again for example the difference between dark and light and the newfound and sadly ongoing lack of differentiation between wrong and right. Anymore these lines have become so societally blurred that we’ve all just taken it upon ourselves to become the very definers of each inside our own lives.

Down here we call it “living our truth”.

And that’s all well and good except that there’s nothing good in us and this is proven as easily as seeing how unwell all of life here has become.

For indeed, around here life has become this endless blending of a little bit of this, a sprinkle of that, mix in a little of that and top it all off with a skosh more of this. Indeed, we do love our skoshes! But the problem is that our lives have become so blended of this wide variety of all the things we’ve come to like, if even for a moment, that so too has the same become of “our truth”. It’s devolved, (if a nonexistent theory can do that?), into what’s anymore this ever-changing identification as is always defined by us alone.

Leaving us always somewhere in the middle of these two paths that Scripture discusses quite often.

Alas the problem continues to grow in that, well, our now glaring tendency has long been to lean toward the pleasure of the flesh as, well, the flesh is what we, for the moment at least, feel the most reward from and thus the most responsibility toward. Indeed, within this life there is, for the moment at least, an obvious ability to deny any outside divinity that is so definitely not us as is known via the desires thereof.

Yes, anything that asks that we deny ourselves anything is then obviously not us as we’ve long lived this life seeking to only see, feel, hear inside all of the things that we like. And so this entire concept of denying ourselves, refusing ourselves, even going so far into the direction of such humiliating humilities as to accuse ourselves of any wrong doing is something seen as so foreign that it just doesn’t stand any chance of ever making any sense.

Why?

Because our brand of life has become one in which we can always again just move the lines.

(which is oddly enough one of the most singularly strange commands in all of Scripture, one thus easily overlooked and probably therefore commonly ignored)

But still, we now exist to just always shift whatever needs said shifting so as to ensure that we’re always sitting both on top of these thrones from which we throw our fits whenever life doesn’t fit whatever we demand it should and too then as those who apparently know still what’s best as is then defined by what we insist is supposed to fit where, when, what and why we want whatever it is to be in our lives.

Indeed, we’ve become of this mindset that’s sat upon our estimation that we are the creators of our own creations, an ideal obviously sought by all selfishness and vanity but also anymore one found so easily as our ignoring anything and everything that anyone may say against everything that we’ve come to estimate as needed in our lives for, wouldn’t you guess it, selfishness and vanity’s sake.

But you see my friends, all of this ego that we’re living within, it only serves to define the side that we’ve chosen to walk between these two paths that we’ll all experience something of in life.

The grandest question of all is just how much of either we’ll end up knowing.

The outcome of said question to be proven in what’s the inevitable, albeit eventual, outcome that is said to be divided between everlasting life and never ending death.

Sure seems the kind of thing that we should take far more seriously than we do!

But alas, no, no it sadly seems as if we just don’t really know how to. Rather what it seems that we know best to do is to continue putting the flesh first, thanks to it being always the quickest to offer reward, thus leaving the Spirit to come always in second and there receive whatever time, effort, interest or investment that we’ve left to quite passively offer unto it after we’ve ensured that our flesh and its satisfaction are, well, satisfied.

Yet what we seem quite unable to realize, either unwittingly or quite willingly, is that our seeking something of this mythical middle in between these two paths is basically a deciding upon one over the other anyway.

Because, contrary to our common and constant confusion, it really can be just that simple.

And in fact, such simplicity is exactly why Jesus came along with His telling us plain that whoever doesn’t gather to Him shall be scattered. In other words, those who don’t choose Him fully may as well deny Him completely as such lukewarmth and halfhearted interest only stands as evidence of at least some measure of doubt, denial, disbelief that we allow to keep us at whatever distance we agree to allow for inside of our lives as could be lived, should be lived always all in.

And that in regard to anything we do.

But yet we’ve decided for this way of life in which we live as if we can always just choose to possibly change later on down the line should ever there come a day in which our way has proven then not quite as pleasing as when it was. Yes, this world continues trying to convince us that we’ve all the time in the world to do whatever we want and can always manage to settle upon some deathbed confession of all our sins right there at the end of what was a life in which we had every opportunity to choose the right, to choose the light, the choose He who is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

But never once did for whatever reason we didn’t.

And our now longstanding insistence as to the nonexistence of anything in the way of any consequence has us truly convinced that we’re not doing anything that’s so very wrong that we could indeed be found deserving of death as there are always others who seem to be doing far worse than we are.

After all, we’re in the middle, right?

Little bit of dark, little bit of light. Little bit wrong but a little bit right?

My question is why?

Why this continued interest in both? What’s preventing us from deciding? Are we afraid to go all in? Are we scared of such commitment? Are we worried that we might be wrong, might miss something?

What is it that has us so doubtful and thus unwilling to make a decision as to who we are, what that means, whether or not it means what we want it to, what we’ll do should it not and where all of this has us heading?

Indeed, what of this world and its way has such this hold us on that we’re still undecided as to whether or not we’re ready to say God doesn’t exist and we’re then right in doing whatever we want?

Truth is that some are there and they’re showing the fruit of that truth every single day inside the way that they’re adding to the destructions of this world. For this place is crumbling. We can argue that fact all day long if you’d like. We can descend into some debate as to just how bad things are and whether or not they’re getting worse and who might be to blame should we agree that worse is what this place is becoming.

But the simple fact is that this doesn’t need to be anywhere near as complex, convoluted, confusing or commended as it is!

Friends, we shouldn’t be happy about anything that’s happening in this place!

Truly, I just sat outside a dine-in restaurant, one of those slightly-upscale establishments that offers a decidedly more fine-dining experience simply proven in the lack of a drive-thru window. But as I sat there waiting for my family to come back outside from having picked up their lunch, I watched these two ladies sitting there eating their lunch. Friends obviously. And they were doing as folks do, just chatting away whilst munching upon their individually chosen grindage.

And yet as I sat there I felt this all-too-familiar feeling of my being an outsider. Granted, I was sitting outside in the car waiting for the family to come back out so we could head back home. But no, it wasn’t a matter of physical location but rather a Spiritual realization.

It’s that it’s now been so long since I’ve sat with a friend eating lunch, or doing anything really, that I don’t have any idea what people talk about anymore. Truly, I don’t know the common topics or usual themes of these kinds of things. I don’t really even recall what all those friends I used to have used to talk about whenever we did get together.

I realized that I’ve become a stranger in this world.

And mixed with the curiosity of it all was found this almost criminal excitement felt inside this realization that I think so much about Scripture and how to uphold this call better that I honestly don’t really know how to care about much else anymore.

Believe me, this is by no means some holier-than-thou self-righteous grandstanding as I’m by no means entitled to such an outlook considering the many mistakes I’ve made and the times I continue to find ways to fail and fall short.

It’s rather just a reflection upon the ability we have to be different. Not necessarily better or worse as that’s not really our part to judge. Truly, these two ladies sitting there eating their lunch seemed like nice folks and I have no reason to imagine they weren’t.

It’s just that for whatever reason they formed this perfect reminder of how different I’ve become. Again, as to whether or not that’s a good thing, well, that’s for God to decide.

Just brought to mind the many changes I’ve made or been met with along what has been such an ongoing change in my life that I truly seem to be losing my ability to even feel like I’m here anymore. Rather I feel as if I’ve always this ten-thousand yard stare upon an expressionless face worn by who I consider to be a nameless, faceless enigma who has, as far as I’m concerned, but a few days remaining in this place in which I feel this obligation to rid my life of as much of that life that I once lived as I possibly can.

And it is a most confusing undertaking to be sure as I do still enjoy things here. I have things in this life that I do like. I have music that I appreciate listening to, shows that I like watching with my family, even some ideas as to things that I’d like to achieve or accomplish before I leave.

But friends, leaving here becomes a bigger hope by the day. Not in any way said in some suicidal sense as, again, it’s up to Him as to whenever I’m done. But so long as I am still here, I don’t know, I just feel less and less like I belong.

And it seems to me to only be this divergence spent away from the way of life I know I’ve known into what’s become a life that is increasingly unlike that life I know I knew.

And I know that it’s because I’ve changed a lot. And I also know that this world’s changed a lot. And yet it seems that these two sets of changing things have been only growing further and further apart until this day in which I looked inside and watched two friends eating lunch realizing that I’ll probably never do that again.

Which seems something I should be sad about.

But somehow it isn’t.

Instead I’ve somehow, over the course of a decade’s time, experienced such changes in life that, even though always an introvert, I find I enjoy more than ever before the loneliness, the emptiness, the quiet contemplation of a mind that’s finally unraveling all the mistakes and mysteries that have always been inside of me just waiting for me to allow them to the surface whereupon I’m finally able to do something about them.

Said something seemingly almost always defined by some degree of change as it seems that I can’t manage to get far enough away from the way I used to live.

Rather my last personally held goal in life is to change so much for what I truly hope is the better that I never let the old me catch up.

Thankfully I don’t think he can as I know the man and he’s the one who walked the other path that I’m not walking anymore. No, I left him for dead a long time ago and though he continues to come to me in memories, I find I’ve no feelings for him anymore either. Because I have become better, even happier every now and then than I used to be.

Am I doing better than I used to? I think so and I truly pray that one day Jesus will agree.

But until that day I find that I only care to live that way that finds me drifting further and further away from all that’s considered common, normal, expected in and by this world.

Indeed, I don’t care what this world does anymore as all this world does is only an example of everything I probably don’t want anything to do with.

And I am pretty confident that that is a good choice considering how He told us that this world and its way is passing away.

Best to be done with it then.

But the question then is are we?

Are we done with this world? Are we drifting apart? Are we coming out from among those who are still living as if they belong here inside what are probably lives in which they spend plenty of time thinking, talking about worldly things? Does this world still retain any measure of importance to us?

Or are we perhaps now found upon a far narrower path that seems indeed to be only narrowing even further?

Again, with all humility I say honestly that the number of things that I care about in this place is dwindling so rapidly that it’s almost alarming. I do indeed sometimes find myself wondering if it’s acceptable to care so very little about so very much!

But then I think of Paul and that part where he talked about his never boasting expect in the cross of Christ through which he too had been crucified to the world and the world too crucified to him.

In other words the world was dead to him and him to the world.

They didn’t fit together anymore.

And while it a strange feeling to be sure, to walk still inside the same place you’ve always been and feel increasingly out of place, it’s something I pray that everyone can experience.

Because there exist but two paths through this one life. One is narrow and the other wide. The wide is easy, comfortable even. The narrow, well, not much of either. But it’s said the narrow road leads to life whereas the wide has only life to lose.

I want to find life. But I suppose that in order to find something you’ve to at first agree to lose whatever it was that was in the place of whatever it is that you hope to find.

Thankfully I’m reminded all the time of all that life that I used to live that I have since lost. Will that mean that God finds me worthy of eternal life? Don’t know, but I hope so.

Either way I can’t find any issues with this call to deny ourselves as, well, I can already say that the pain felt in doing so fades. Indeed, I can’t but barely remember the sadness and sorrow I felt in losing friends and letting go of all the things that I used to know.

For time does heal. We just have to embrace the wounds before it can.

Embrace the wounds of losing the normal life my friends. For what’s normal here is unacceptable to God. Not because everything here is necessarily bad.

But simply because anything that we allow to take His place is sin.

And sin is death.

And, well, dying to death seems like a good way to live a life.

So choose that path spent dying to everything you’ve ever known. Not because it’s easy, normal, common or here considered acceptable. Do it because it’s something different.

And, well, Jesus sure managed to accomplish a lot in His doing of something different.

Something obviously done unto the demise and detriment of the flesh.

Don’t you wonder what life He could find for us should we agree to put our old life to death?

#LeaveNoSoulUntold