Day 4165 of the 7 day Bible verse challenge.

2 Corinthians 5:8 NLT

awaits the exchange

Because there comes a strange thing within this faith. And that is what feels like a personal table turned into what is a person turned too. And this is because of what seems to become of the experience that is waiting. For as we all know rather well, being these highly impatient people we’ve all of us become, that waiting is, unto us, one of the things that we loathe most in life. We absolutely despise having to be patient as it’s often asked of us in the midst of either danger or desire.

And in truth, there’s really not many other daily options from which we all continue to choose.

No, the hard reality of our reality is that we all daily decide between only that which we like and the more which we don’t. There really isn’t anything in the middle nor then anywhere in the same for us to stand in what would feel some measure of peace, of curiosity, of even a simple indifference. Instead it seems as if the sum of everything we face and feel within this life is something we’ve become all but insistent is supposed to fit within what are those two utterly opposed groups:

That which we like and the more which we don’t.

And we’ve settled so firmly into that measuring that we literally spend every waking moment of every day we’re given doing basically only that. We spend so much time focused so intently upon the determining of everything happening around us so as to always feel as if we’ve found our control over it as is apparently had as easily, and sadly as quickly, as our deciding whether or not we like it. Does it make us feel good? Does it look as if it might make us feel bad? What message will it send to those around us that we still, for whatever of what are a million other reasons, seek to please or impress?

Indeed, will it impress us or will it depress us? What is our impression of depression? Surely we have one as it seems as if all of us know a measure thereof as within this life it’s pretty clear that few of us are ever happy, content, at peace or then know rest as instead we’re all more usually upset, angry, tired, frustrated, bored, alone and terrified of staying any of the above.

Yet we’re also seemingly all but impressively unwilling to do much about any of them whenever feel them we do as, well, at least they give us something to do which is itself something that it seems as if we like to do which is to complain, to argue, to voice our concerns and use our displeasure as what seems a trove of our favorite treasure which will for at least a while remain this utterly retarded idea that has all of us all but convinced that we know better.

This is why we complain so often, is it not?

Because we’re convinced that we know better? That our way would be better. That our plans would go better? That our priorities are better? And all of that simply because we’ve all become entirely sure that our plans and priorities, which pave the path that is our way, are all that can lead us to all that we want?

And get us there pretty quickly?

You see, that’s what I’m starting to consider the main downside of pride to be. It’s this arrogance that asks that we invest all but all of our time, energy, interest even in only whatever it is that we want, and that done always alongside that other downside of pride which is, again, impatience. That’s the issue with arrogance! It’s this frame of mind that convinces us that we deserve something, that we’re owed something, that we know something that somehow arrives us in this winner’s circle in life in which we’re crowned with the opportunity to have everything we want right when we want it.

But life doesn’t work like that.

Believe me, I’ve spent the past four days straight standing outside in the pouring rain just trying to do my job that, for whatever reasons I’m still trying to figure out, it seems the Lord’s not wanted me to have the ability to do.

Mowing wet grass is one of the most miserable experiences known to man.

And so when I found myself, yet again, being soaked while trying to mow for one of my clients, I’ll admit I kind of lost it. It got the better of me. It sent me into something of a mini tirade in which I said some things that I don’t normally say and always wish never to. Even caused me to lash out at those around me as the frustration had boiled up inside me to the point in which I couldn’t hold it in anymore, apparently.

Which then led to me spending a bit of time last night apologizing to both the Lord and my family for how poorly I’d handled the poor situation I was handed.

All because I wanted to do what I wanted to do, was in a hurry to get it done as I’d been falling behind all week long thanks to all these random storms that came out of nowhere to literally rain on my parade.

Because I still live as if everything is always supposed to go my way. That it’s all supposed to line up with my plans, my goals, my desires. Yes, I still seem to apparently live my life as if my wants and wishes and worries are all that matter most.

Thus leaving me this morning realizing just how little of humility I really know, which has then poured over into an even deeper realization as to the reason I’m still here waiting to just go home.

It’s because I’m not ready.

And that’s because I’m still angry whenever things don’t go my way. And that then means that I still spend at least some of my time thinking about the way in which I want things to go. And that seems to show that it seems as though I still apparently know what is that life that all of us have always lived in which all that can ever be best is only whatever it is that we alone think best might be.

Meaning then that I am still a slave to my ego, bearing chains that I also wield as if weapons that sometimes wound those around me because life gets me wrapped up so tightly in all that I’m trying really hard to do that I find I’m at times a cherry bomb with a 2-second fuse that’s ready and willing to explode just as soon as something doesn’t go the way I want it to.

Which then proves I’ve both plenty to learn and thus plenty to lose before He’d have any reason to say I’m ready to leave to head for that place in which only peace is, and thus my anger, frustration, disappointment simply cannot be.

Indeed, thus the waiting.

As we sort of discussed yesterday, contrary to our vast levels of impatience which have left all of us wanting all that’s best just as soon as we can have it, it’s really nothing more than giving us time to rid our lives and minds of such demands and desires, and even dreams, clearing them both so that within them we can find that we’ve more room with which to fit a bettered understanding, and thus appreciation of, all that He’s done and continues to do in His doing always something new as is all aimed at helping us narrow things down so that we can one day fit through the eye of the needle that the camel already knows is what He created to us sew back into the fold that is His plan for us.

Plans our priorities have long had little room for nor thus worry over.

And that’s something that simply has to change if we’re to, upon that coming day, be found truthful whenever we finally say that Christ is King.

Indeed, if we can’t say with any honesty that we’ve honestly sought to better understand who He is and thus too that we’re meant to do and lose all we can to ourselves try our best to better become, then why would He welcome us to come to where it is that He’s gone to make a place for those who seek peace and rest and joy?

How can we say we seek those things even now whenever we cry still so loud any time that anything doesn’t go our way?

We can’t.

For if we were seeking peace then we’d better handle those things which ask of us patience. If we were seeking joy then we’d not journey toward anger every time something went what we consider wrong in life. If we were hoping in His promised rest then we’d understand that this life in which we work and worry and war isn’t then where our best is supposed to be.

A realization which would itself at least help to relieve our rather ongoing insistence that this world houses somewhere the substance of a day, or hopefully many thereof, in which everything works out just the way we want it to.

A selfish hope we have to lose as to seek here for our reward leaves us at risk of finding it.

And He’s told us, in more eloquent words obviously, that a reward had here is thus one we’ll not have there waiting for us whenever we may or may not get to wherever it is that He’s already gone to prepare what is a place for only a portion of us rather than that most hopeful of idea that it’s for all.

No, Heaven has walls my friends, meaning then that some are meant to be kept out.

An outcome determined by both how badly we want in and that by what all we do to show Him that we’re then willing to do whatever it takes to make it through those gates. Which we’re told is only going to happen should we have shared in the way the Way got there before us. And He did go before us so as to show us the way by which we must be saved. And no, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows as they only seem to blow the smoke that knows more of the shadows of sin and self that we need a ton of help in breaking free from.

Yes, we need more help than we could ever possibly imagine if we’re to truly be found welcome unto Heaven.

Thus the waiting.

Thus the patience.

Thus the promise that He is patient with us, not wanting any of us to leave unto punishment but rather to here come unto repentance which absolves us of any and all wrongdoing as repentance is done in what is a shining display that we desire the Son more than our sin.

Problem then is that whenever we’re still busy worrying mostly only about whatever it is that we continue to want, we’re still living in sin as He’s told us plain that we shall have no other gods before Him but that we’re rather to love Him with all our heart, with all our mind, with all our soul, with all our strength. Something we cannot even pretend to know how to do whenever still we do anything that asks for any of our time, attention, intention.

If we’re still giving anything of us to anything that isn’t Him, then we’re living in sin and thus have more from which to turn if we’re not to be turned away from those gates beyond which is kept the entirety of His promise of life eternally.

So He waits. And, yes, oftentimes asks that we do too. Why? Because we’re still here living what is in many ways still that same sort of life in which we use our eyes to look for our dreams rather than His desires. That version of life in which we allow our minds to worry about what we want instead of what He deserves. That version in which we give our souls to seeking for what we think is the best possible outcome for any given day, giving then away all of that time that could have and thus should have been spent seeking for what He’s told us is the promised best of forever.

Indeed, why do we continue to settle so short of all that He’s said He has still in store as to worry so little of Heaven and focus rather mostly on our life lived here?

Seems kind of stupid, doesn’t it? I mean, considering that whole thing about setting our minds on things above as if that’s both where we belong and thus should want to be? Yes, where are we storing our treasures? Are they, even any of them, still here? Have we any saved up for eternity? Do we even have any real interest or willingness to even measure the difference?

Can’t we see that perhaps that’s one reason as to both His patience with us and our need thereof?

To help us learn how to let things go? To inch us forward in His call for all to know what is that way spent following His lead? To help us see that everything we need is both promised in full up ahead but also provided in abundant measure while we’re here? To inspire us to wonder as to why we’re here in what is a place that His love wants us not to be as while we’re here we’re not with Him where He is? To encourage us unto a deeper understanding then of what love is and how it is a matter meant to lose so that another might win?

What have we lost?

What shall we win?

When shall we leave?

Where shall we go?

Do we know?

Do we care?

I hope we do. But in all honesty how can we? How can we ever hope to be found welcome home when it seems that still we live as if we’re already there? What better might ever await what is that point in which we have to leave behind that way of life that we’ve poured everything we have, all that we are into trying to ensure turns out just right? How can His promises compete with plans we’re still acting as if will be perfect, and that simply because our pride made them?

Yes, how can we embrace His call to spend these lives working out our salvation with the fear and trembling found in our waiting within that worried wonder as to whether or not we’re doing this right as is only defined by He who is the Light, the Way, the Truth, the Life when we’ve so clearly so little patience or humility that are both needed so highly if we’re ever to hold so highly He who ought to be lifted up in our hearts, our eyes, our minds, our lives?

How can we say we serve Him when we still argue with Him whenever His promises come at the upending of our plans?

You see, that’s that strange thing that starts happening in this faith that I mentioned up top. It’s that, albeit slowly and often then (at least unto our pride’s impatience) painfully, our wants and worries are replaced by His. Our desire to please the flesh is replaced by a determination to please the Father. Our want for everything to go our way here is traded for a worry that our way knows only to get in the way of the Way which came here to lead us elsewhere.

Indeed, our focus on all this fighting to find what is here our best life is slowly replaced by a willingness to wait for what He’s promised is everything better than everything we could ever even imagine.

And when that idea we finally start to fathom, everything else just finally starts to fade.

Even our hatred of having to wait. And that because we slowly come to understand that what we’re waiting for is really worth it. That it’s worth making sure we’re as ready as we can possibly be to go wherever we have no idea how to be ready to be. That it makes sense to calm down, study His Word, sit quietly with Him and try for once to listen to what He needs us to hear instead of always insisting that He hears what we have to say.

That we, in truth, have nothing to say if the first words out of our mouths aren’t “Heavenly Father, hallowed be thy Name.”

Yeah, we’ve got a lot left to learn it would seem. And this I say because that’s rarely if ever the first thing we seek to say. Rather is seems that our first thing is always how we feel, what we think, where we’re going and how excited we are to get there to where all of our plans are finally fulfilled and our lives then finally perfect.

Friends, these aren’t our lives.

We’re just the fools living them.

And while it may not seem to matter now that we don’t really understand that fact for what it is, one day the humility found within it is all that will matter.

Because the promise is that all of us will be both found before and then and there judged by the Father. Will that happen to a people who spent their lives trying to be ready for such a time as that? Or will it come as if a stranger upon a people who couldn’t see the danger because they were still looking at a life that they just insisted they knew how to make go right?

Truth is that our way isn’t His way, and we can figure that out as easily as how His asks for such things as patience and the humility which embraces it whereas ours seems to know more how to hurry and that by following the arrogance that has us thinking that we both know where we’re going and how best to get there.

We don’t.

And that’s obvious because we still spend entirely too much time worried about what happens to us and however it is that we may feel about it.

And we could spend that same time and effort thinking instead about why things are happening, what we’re meant to learn from it, and where all of it is leading.

I guess the point is that all of us just want to be home. Only difference then is where we think our home is.

I know I’ve spent a lot of time and effort thinking and living as if it could be here. So much so that now I know I need as much as He’s willing to give so that I too can reach that point in which I too can say that I’d truly rather lose everything here so that I can be there wherever He is. And yeah, I think that way all the time and I really can’t wait to leave this life and finally put on that which He’s promised we can have.

Problem is that I still let too many things get in the way.

And that’s what His patience with me and my appreciation thereof is supposed to change.

And that before we all are anyway.

For all will be changed.

Question is will we, in only our waiting, have by then learned to help Him help us get home? Or will He return only to have to drag us away from this place that we were still living to find home within?

#LeaveNoSoulUntold